Here are some of the photos from Disney. We only went to Magic Kingdom to minimize the girls chances of being overwhelmed. Over Christmas break we will bring them to Animal Kingdom most likely.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Disney Photos and Thanksgiving
Here are some of the photos from Disney. We only went to Magic Kingdom to minimize the girls chances of being overwhelmed. Over Christmas break we will bring them to Animal Kingdom most likely.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Updates
I've been meaning to update again, but I've had this respiratory virus for a few weeks now, and I can't seem to kick it.
The Ukrainian family picnic went well. Katya and Marina didn't want to socialize at first and Marina ended up sitting in the car towards the end, but the kids did ok overall. I think it hit them that Ukraine wasn't all good, especially if that many kids needed "new" families in America. And this was just the families with Ukrainian kids in the Atlanta area.
Katya had a root canal on one of her teeth. Thankfully we have good dental insurance with all the work the girls needs and are getting. She was very good through the appointment and it didn't take too long. Actually it wasn't a full blown root canal - since she is still a teen, they did a REALLY big filling in the tooth, and tried to save it best they could. She had a bit of bleeding for a few days, but that itsn't any different from when the tooth was just rotten and broken. She has three more major teeth to be fixed, but I think we will wait until the new year to do that. Marina also needs one more trip to the dentist for repairs. Then one visit for sealants on the few good teeth they have then just normal cleanings every 6 months after that.
Did a two day intensive therapy session this past weekend with Marina. The first day we worked on major behavioral issues and started teaching her to look us in the eye when asking for things. The second day, Saturday, we did a reclaiming narrative. We held marina in our arms, like a baby, and talked through what her life would have been like if she had been born to us. As we went through the "story" the therapist gave her things that we had put together in a box for "baby" marina. So, we fed her a bottle of apple juice (she won't drink milk, only kefir), a pacifier, teething ring, little stuffed lion, baby book, bib, onesie, etc. She was really good and seemed truly engaged in the story. Afterwards we took her and Katya to the animal shelter to play with the animals.
Our mistake was taking her to IKEA and then Target afterwards. She was just too tired after the therapy session and she ended up having a meltdown in Target. We ended up having to chase her down in the women's lingerie section because she wouldnt come out to the parking lot with us when it was time to go. We had to split up and corner her because she was weaving in and out of the aisles to avoid us. We also had to carry her into the house when we got home. We ended up having to use the slide lock on her door again. Thankfully Katya was happily playing on the main house computer, so only Marina was locked in this time. She raged for about an hour or so, screaming bloody murder and pounding her fists on the door, the walls etc. We heard things being broken and thrown about.
She spend Sunday at home, with no TV, no phone, and no computer. Andrew only took the girls to the park to ride bikes. Otherwise, Marina spend the day in her room with a book. She seemed ok about it, and we talked to her about why she was "grounded" and she understood and agreed that she had behaved badly.
We have one more of these intensive sessions for Marina and we decided with the therapist to leave that for when we get back from Florida. This will be the session where marina says good-bye to her birthparents. After that it will all be play therapy with Magda (the therapist).
Tomorrow the girls go to a local church day camp, since they don't have school. Katya friend Masha will be there too, so they are looking forward to going. Then we leave for Florida tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully we won't hit too much traffic. We hope to be in Orlando at my parents house by 10pm or so. Turkey day with my parents and family there, Friday I will go gift shopping at 5am with my mom, and then Saturday we take the girls to Magic Kingdom at Disney. Thankfully my parents agreed to go with us and her keep an eye and hand on the girls! And, since my dad works there we don't have to pay of course. And with him there with us, we will get his 30% discount in the gift shops there too hehe
Will post pictures of the picnic tomorrow, and will take tons of disney photos too.
The Ukrainian family picnic went well. Katya and Marina didn't want to socialize at first and Marina ended up sitting in the car towards the end, but the kids did ok overall. I think it hit them that Ukraine wasn't all good, especially if that many kids needed "new" families in America. And this was just the families with Ukrainian kids in the Atlanta area.
Katya had a root canal on one of her teeth. Thankfully we have good dental insurance with all the work the girls needs and are getting. She was very good through the appointment and it didn't take too long. Actually it wasn't a full blown root canal - since she is still a teen, they did a REALLY big filling in the tooth, and tried to save it best they could. She had a bit of bleeding for a few days, but that itsn't any different from when the tooth was just rotten and broken. She has three more major teeth to be fixed, but I think we will wait until the new year to do that. Marina also needs one more trip to the dentist for repairs. Then one visit for sealants on the few good teeth they have then just normal cleanings every 6 months after that.
Did a two day intensive therapy session this past weekend with Marina. The first day we worked on major behavioral issues and started teaching her to look us in the eye when asking for things. The second day, Saturday, we did a reclaiming narrative. We held marina in our arms, like a baby, and talked through what her life would have been like if she had been born to us. As we went through the "story" the therapist gave her things that we had put together in a box for "baby" marina. So, we fed her a bottle of apple juice (she won't drink milk, only kefir), a pacifier, teething ring, little stuffed lion, baby book, bib, onesie, etc. She was really good and seemed truly engaged in the story. Afterwards we took her and Katya to the animal shelter to play with the animals.
Our mistake was taking her to IKEA and then Target afterwards. She was just too tired after the therapy session and she ended up having a meltdown in Target. We ended up having to chase her down in the women's lingerie section because she wouldnt come out to the parking lot with us when it was time to go. We had to split up and corner her because she was weaving in and out of the aisles to avoid us. We also had to carry her into the house when we got home. We ended up having to use the slide lock on her door again. Thankfully Katya was happily playing on the main house computer, so only Marina was locked in this time. She raged for about an hour or so, screaming bloody murder and pounding her fists on the door, the walls etc. We heard things being broken and thrown about.
She spend Sunday at home, with no TV, no phone, and no computer. Andrew only took the girls to the park to ride bikes. Otherwise, Marina spend the day in her room with a book. She seemed ok about it, and we talked to her about why she was "grounded" and she understood and agreed that she had behaved badly.
We have one more of these intensive sessions for Marina and we decided with the therapist to leave that for when we get back from Florida. This will be the session where marina says good-bye to her birthparents. After that it will all be play therapy with Magda (the therapist).
Tomorrow the girls go to a local church day camp, since they don't have school. Katya friend Masha will be there too, so they are looking forward to going. Then we leave for Florida tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully we won't hit too much traffic. We hope to be in Orlando at my parents house by 10pm or so. Turkey day with my parents and family there, Friday I will go gift shopping at 5am with my mom, and then Saturday we take the girls to Magic Kingdom at Disney. Thankfully my parents agreed to go with us and her keep an eye and hand on the girls! And, since my dad works there we don't have to pay of course. And with him there with us, we will get his 30% discount in the gift shops there too hehe
Will post pictures of the picnic tomorrow, and will take tons of disney photos too.
Friday, November 2, 2007
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Compassion Fatigue or Secondary PTSD
I was reading an article on Rainbowkids.com today and discovered the term Secondary PTSD. As I did some internet searches on it, I started to realize that this is a sorely understudied and underreported syndrome.
http://muskie.usm.maine.edu/helpkids/rcpdfs/Sec.Trauma-foster.pdf
Most of the literature refers to mental health providers, healthcare providers and "first responders." But there is almost no mention of adoptive or foster parents. We deal 24/7 with our adopted kids past trauma, through counseling sessions, through their behavior, through visits to the doctor and dentist, and through their story telling.
I've heard stories come out of my girls mouths that would make the strongest and manliest man cry. As my husband says, its a good thing their birth father is already dead, because otherwise he would hunt him down and kill him for what he put our girls through. Andrew is still considering this action with the birth mom's new husband, who also abused our girls.
I think Andrew and I are both suffering from some degree of this Secondary PTSD, via our girls. We are just handling it in different ways. I am the one who takes the girls to the doctors and dentist, and we both take the girls to the therapist. We see first hand what years of abuse and neglect have done to their minds, bodies, and souls. Their teeth are rotten, they are short due to calcium deficiency, they have parasites, latent TB, horrid scars on their bodies, warts, eye disorders...all on top of serious behavioral and emotional issues.
Sometimes the girls are so upset that we didn't "come get them" sooner. Other times they want to go back to their orphanage (where rules were more flexible and they had more control over their lives).
I feel like crying almost 24 hours a day. I am exhausted mentally and physically. I just want to lay in bed all day. Now, I do suffer from generalized anxiety disorder and secondary depression, but this is above and beyond that. I know this is not "normal" for me. I don't feel attached to the girls, and many times I just don't care about them. I robotically go through the motions, hugging them, making their lunches, getting them ready for school. I thought it was because they are constantly critical of the food I make, even after they picked it out at the Russian food store, or maybe because when Marina doesn't like the clothes we bought, she "runs away" and says that she doesn't want to live with us. But maybe its all this on top of my empathy for them working through their grief. Now that they are in therapy, more of the "stories" are coming out. I feel like a walking zombie most days, always in a state of shock and detachment.
Just wanted to share this as I suspect some other adoptive parents are feeling the same thing. Sometimes once you are aware of the problem, you can work on fixing it, or at least minimizing its effects, right?
http://muskie.usm.maine.edu/helpkids/rcpdfs/Sec.Trauma-foster.pdf
Most of the literature refers to mental health providers, healthcare providers and "first responders." But there is almost no mention of adoptive or foster parents. We deal 24/7 with our adopted kids past trauma, through counseling sessions, through their behavior, through visits to the doctor and dentist, and through their story telling.
I've heard stories come out of my girls mouths that would make the strongest and manliest man cry. As my husband says, its a good thing their birth father is already dead, because otherwise he would hunt him down and kill him for what he put our girls through. Andrew is still considering this action with the birth mom's new husband, who also abused our girls.
I think Andrew and I are both suffering from some degree of this Secondary PTSD, via our girls. We are just handling it in different ways. I am the one who takes the girls to the doctors and dentist, and we both take the girls to the therapist. We see first hand what years of abuse and neglect have done to their minds, bodies, and souls. Their teeth are rotten, they are short due to calcium deficiency, they have parasites, latent TB, horrid scars on their bodies, warts, eye disorders...all on top of serious behavioral and emotional issues.
Sometimes the girls are so upset that we didn't "come get them" sooner. Other times they want to go back to their orphanage (where rules were more flexible and they had more control over their lives).
I feel like crying almost 24 hours a day. I am exhausted mentally and physically. I just want to lay in bed all day. Now, I do suffer from generalized anxiety disorder and secondary depression, but this is above and beyond that. I know this is not "normal" for me. I don't feel attached to the girls, and many times I just don't care about them. I robotically go through the motions, hugging them, making their lunches, getting them ready for school. I thought it was because they are constantly critical of the food I make, even after they picked it out at the Russian food store, or maybe because when Marina doesn't like the clothes we bought, she "runs away" and says that she doesn't want to live with us. But maybe its all this on top of my empathy for them working through their grief. Now that they are in therapy, more of the "stories" are coming out. I feel like a walking zombie most days, always in a state of shock and detachment.
Just wanted to share this as I suspect some other adoptive parents are feeling the same thing. Sometimes once you are aware of the problem, you can work on fixing it, or at least minimizing its effects, right?
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